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Monday, July 7, 2008

Vlad’s Half-year Gloat

Had the Kremlin decided not to shut down The eXile – English “mankind’s only alternative” in Moscow since 1997 – one of Vlad Kalashnikov’s Daily Gloats over “American dumbf*ckers” would likely be about the “recessionary state of American economies” controlled by “bastard slave-holders and sleazy businessmen” and a declaration of victory for the wise ways of the Russian command economy run so efficiently by the state and how “together with China, they’re going to kick American economic ass!"

Even hockey star Pavel Bure has seen the light and is ditching the NHL for the Russian league. "Gluttonous American pigs forced to diet" will remember 2008 as the year of Russia’s comeback: Dima Bilan’s Eurovision victory, St. Petersburg Zenit’s winning of the UEFA cup, landing the 2014 Sochi Olympics and victory over "American Canadians" in the world hockey championship! Not bad for the first half of the year!” Kalashnikov might gloat.

If the Kremlin has its way, Vlad Kalashnikov may soon be gloating over Russia's economic conquest of Ukraine that forced “uncle-Sam serving orange fascists to their knees and out of office.”

The final stages of that conquest are not limited to charging world energy prices to one of the world's least energy efficient countries. The Kremlin's official roadmap to victory was succinctly outlined in the top story in this week’s Dzerkalo Tyzhnia on the June 28 Moscow meeting between prime ministers Yulia Tymoshenko and Vladimir Putin.

During talks Russia, “a country on the march to making the ruble a freely convertible currency,” suggested that trade with Ukraine – worth $7 bln last year – be conducted on the basis of ruble payments. “Simply speaking, it’s pure water YEP” she wrote, referring to the fruition of the Kremlin’s Single/Common Economic Space wet dream of an economic union of Russia, Kazakhstan, Ukraine and Belarus. In other words it’s a done deal “We will chase your blood-covered American dollars into the Black Sea and sink them with your Colorado potato beetles and NATO corvettes!” Vlad might gloat.

The other issues on the Tymoshenko-Putin agenda were:
  • Russian interest in Odesa Portside Factory privatization
  • Creation of joint state-owned aviation holding
  • Ukraine’s purchase of nuclear power assemblies from TVEL (Russia)
  • Ukraine’s non-purchase of nuclear fuel from Westinghouse (US)
  • Joint oil and gas extraction (“including 17,000 square kilometers of Black Sea Shelf that greedy snake oil Vanco barons want all to themselves!” Vlad might write)
  • Ukraine should abandon the goal of creating a closed cycle of uranium enrichment (“You say no to Iran, we screw Ukraine,” according to Vlad.
  • Moscow’s “sensitivity of interests to uranium reserves in Ukraine’s Zhovti Vody (Yellow Waters): Where uranium ore has been mined and enriched since the early 1950s and “where the combined forces of Orthodox Cossacks and Muslim Tatars kicked sorry Catholic Polish ass in 1648!”

The issues of Ukraine’s Euro-Atlantic vector and the post-2017 fate of the Russian Black Sea Fleet were also discussed by Tymoshenko and Putin, but the author dares not provide details “because we cannot confirm the quotes. We hope that source simply did not fully understand…” reports DT.

Vlad, meanwhile, might as well be gloating over victory in putting a damper to Ukraine’s hopes of seeing a MAP from NATO later this year: Even “American imperialist capitalist bossHenry Kissinger” recognizes that the Western security system belongs behind the Elbe, not Moscow River!

Too bad The eXile is not around, because Vlad sure has a lot to gloat about.


Fresh installments of Vlad’s Daily Gloats are no longer available at The eXile’s website:

About political gas and gas politics” by Alla Yeremenko in Dzerkalo Tyzhnia at:
English:, Ukrainian:

"Unconventional wisdom about Russia"
By Henry A. Kissinger Published: July 1, 2008 International Herald Tribune
“The issue of relations with Ukraine goes to the heart of both sides' [US and Russia’s] perceptions of the nature of international affairs. Genuine independence for Ukraine is essential for a peaceful international system and must be unambiguously supported by the U.S. But the movement of the Western security system from the Elbe River to the approaches to Moscow brings home Russia's decline in a way bound to generate a Russian emotion that will inhibit the solution of all other issues. It should be kept on the table without forcing the issue to determine the possibilities of making progress on other issues.”

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Nice to see that I'm not the only one that can see Ukraine heading east.