Russia alcoholic wife beater, not big brother

One of themes Russian propaganda is employing in its bid to take over Ukraine is that Russia is the “big brother” in the Slavic familial scheme of things and should be allowed to rule the roost.

They’re baiting the West into believing that Russia must be part of the solution because Moscow knows how to deal with this accidental-nation-failed-state-younger-brother-fascist Ukrainians. Bollocks!

Instead of “big brother” try this relationship:

Putin's Mr. Russia is the abusive, alcoholic husband, with a long history of beating up his wife, Ms. Ukraine, who has wanted out of the marriage pretty well since Day One.

After years of fighting, she was formally granted a divorce, but the Police and Judges looked the other way as the drunk husband dragged her back into his house. Mr. Russia repeatedly raped Ms. Ukraine, abused her physically and psychologically. He nearly starved her to death. He called her a fascist whore until some of her children actually started to believe it.

Finally, the Police and Judges agreed to let Ms. Ukraine move out, but only if all the children agreed.

The Police and Judges told Ms. Ukraine that she should really love Mr. Russia, that she would really be better off with him, that she wouldn't be where she is today, if it wasn't for Mr. Russia.

Recently, on a drunken spree, Mr. Russia stormed into Ms. Ukraine’s home and snatched away one of her daughters, Crimea. The Police and Judges looked the other way, saying “He is the father, after all.” They cut off Mr. Russia’s line of credit at the liquor store, he had a basement full of booze, so didn't really care.

Mr. Russia is currently spending time with one of the other children, the son called Donetsk, getting him drunk and urging him to move in with him too. Donetsk finds Mr. Russia’s lifestyle appealing.

Mr. Russia has almost convinced the Police and Judges that Ms. Ukraine is in fact a fascist whore, and that all of her children would be better off with him.

Now, Ms. Ukraine wanted to get a gun to defend herself against Mr. Russia. But the Police and Judges have told her to not even think about it, they will not accept the Battered Woman’s Defense from a fascist whore.

“It was her own fault, in the first place. Slut,” they said.